Modern relationships

Modern relationships

and why most of them do not last forever.

Photo by Bruno Aguirre on Unsplash

I have many friends whose relationship lasted for not more than 3 years and after those 3 years either one of them (or in some cases both of them) has some unresolved issues, negative emotions perhaps anger in some cases. I have seen them drunk dialing their exes and letting it out on them. In fact, (since I don’t drink,) at most of the parties my responsibility is to take care of those friends and prevent them from calling their ex.

I don’t know whether I am the right person to write about this topic since, I am in my late twenties, I am single and I have never been in a relationship so let me clear that this article is purely based on my observation and the conversations that I have with my friends. I am like an unofficial therapist of my group and when anyone feels down they call me and talk their heart out to feel better.

Coming back to the topic, why do modern relationships not last much longer?

1. You are confusing companionship with love

The world is a lonely place, everyone needs a companion, a close friend, a friend who can be with them, and listen to them when they have something great to share or when they are feeling a little low. We all need someone to talk to who can ask us about our day, share some jokes, and enjoy some movies together and if that person is from the opposite gender then it’s even better because then we have a very different perspective but some people confuse it to be love.

If you like spending time with a guy or a girl, it does not mean that they are willing to be in a relationship with you or you should be in a relationship with them. You just like their company, you just think of them as a friend, a very special friend and if you confuse it as a relationship, someday the bubble will burst and the precious friendship that you have will be lost forever.

2. You are not ready for a serious relationship

We all have been there at some point in our life. We have something great in our life but we tend to avoid that just because of the fear of being too serious. I have seen some relationships start with just fooling around with each other but end up in a strong life-long bond but everything takes its own time and if you are not ready for a serious relationship, it’s perfectly fine. The fear of commitment is a valid reason for not being in a relationship. You are simply not ready which is acceptable.

There is no valid reason for not being ready and there is no valid reason for being in a relationship. Just because all of your friends are in a relationship it does not mean you will have to be in one too. You are just not ready and it does not make you abnormal.

3. You are too busy for a relationship

It’s been months since you met, and almost all your calls end with “oh, sorry let me call you later.”. You are always busy when they want to make plans with you. Your weekends are booked. I know it sounds like a fun plot for a movie but this is the life of some people. You are always busy, you are not just acting busy, you are genuinely trapped in the 9–5 and some side-projects or you may have additional responsibilities.

A relationship needs focus, you must provide it enough time to nurture it, to let it grow well to create happiness for both of you and if you are unable to provide that time then sorry to break it for you are not meant for a relationship but if you really want it to work then I know you will surely be able to save some time for it.

4. You are too afraid to be vulnerable

You have emotions inside you, you have deep feelings for your significant other but you don’t let your heart free. You allow your mind to control your heart which may cause a problem in your relationship even though they are right for you. You are too afraid to be vulnerable, you are scared of showing the funny, weird, and crazy side of you. You are always trying to be the master of the conversation, not willing to share personal stories.

Yes, being vulnerable is scary after all your hidden persona is hidden for a reason but when it comes to a relationship, you will have to let it out, you can not keep it trapped inside. It will help you know each other better, It will help you accept each other, it will deepen your relationship and it will take your relationship to a next level where you both are truly comfortable with each other.

But let me warn you, don’t be vulnerable too fast just because you want it to work. Let your other side out slowly and smoothly. Don’t share too much way too early, there is a right time for everything.

5. You are ignorant

Let’s address the elephant in the room, the problem might be you. You must have noticed (at least once in your life) a couple sitting in a restaurant where one person is sharing some important details about his/her day whereas the other person just ignores the conversation completely, scrolling on his phone. You might be that person. You may not notice it but with that one message tone on your phone, you just see to check it and get trapped in a vicious circle of Unread notifications and infinite scrolling of Instagram. Your significant other might ignore those for some time but if it’s always the case they will not even be interested in spending time with you at all.

Smartphones, notifications, and apps are addictive, in fact, they are built to get your attention and keep you scrolling, and browsing as long as possible but if you really want the relationship to work, and you really like the other person then you must control yourself. Try putting your phone on Silent mode facing upside down on the table. It gives them the signal that they are important to you and next time even they will do the same.

6. You fall in love too quickly

You met the person, went on a couple of dates, and started picturing your engagement, your wedding, the honeymoon to an exotic location, happy life together. a big house a little far from the city, A dog, two kids, a boy, and a girl. You have everything planned. You are a true believer in love at first sight but it’s not love. I know, I am going to hurt a lot of people but yes that’s true. You get into a relationship too quickly. The other person might not even be in the same place.

I know, I must have destroyed all your hopes, but here is some advice, you met someone, wonderful. Go on dates, share some time together, get to know each other, and make sure that the other person is comfortable with being around you, you are comfortable being around them. You both like each other equally, take things slow before starting to write the wedding vows. You know the thing that you thought is pure love might be temporary infatuation.

Conclusion

Love is difficult, it takes time, a lot of time, you may face many failed relationships in your life but when you are with the right person, you will be thankful for all those failed relationships, and by the time you don’t find that Mr. Right or Ms. Right, keep looking. All the very best.